We had a visit from my stepson’s mother the other day. She lives in another state so we don’t see her very often.
She called on Sunday to say she would be visiting her family on Monday. (Her family lives about an hour away from us.) Before she left town, she wanted to stop by and visit her son.
She arrived at our house that evening with her boyfriend and we all hung out at for a couple of hours, ordering pizza, chatting, and laughing together.
I suppose this may seem a bit strange. I’ve heard how turbulent the mother/stepmother relationship can be. I think our society even expects it to be. There are books and websites and counselors out there offering us all kinds of tools to help manage it.
Maybe my situation is rare- I don’t know, but for whatever reason she and I have chosen to get along fine.
We hug hello (yes, this was a surprise to me the first time, too!) and she often mentions to my husband how much she likes me and how grateful she is that I don’t feel threatened by her or act harshly toward her.
I’m happy we get along. She is a friendly person who has never disrespected me. I don’t judge her and she doesn’t prevent me from being the kind of stepmom I am.
Maybe it’s because my own mom was adopted, so I understand that parenting is less about who birthed a child than it is about how you raise the child.
There is no reason for his mom and me to have a strained relationship. She, my husband, my stepson, and I are all comfortable in our roles and interactions with one another.
My stepson has been very loved in his 12 years on this planet. He had his dad, his grandparents, and in recent years, me taking care of him, leading and teaching him.
His mom loves him. If she wants to visit, I’m happy to welcome her into my home for dinner. Her boyfriend was nice, too. It was like spending the evening with friends.
Why shouldn’t it be? We have one very important interest in common.
I’d love to hear from other stepfamilies. How do you handle the mother/stepmother relationship?
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Foul Ball!
Baseball is a dangerous sport. The balls fly fast and hard, it’s no wonder the players wear helmets. My stepson loves to play. He has several games a week from April through June, so we’re right in the thick of it now.
Somehow the people who don’t play baseball are the ones who keep getting baseball injuries. Go figure.
After Saturday’s game, my husband, who coaches the team, hobbled out of the dugout severely favoring one ankle. He explained that he had been hit in the ankle with a baseball when warming up one of the pitchers. Due to the large amount of swelling, he spent the next few hours elevating and icing his ankle.
My husband isn’t the only magnet, though. For some reason this year, I’ve had more foul balls fly my way than I can count. It doesn’t matter if I sit by first base, third base, or stand behind home plate. Somehow foul balls adjust their trajectory toward me.
It all started at my stepson’s middle school game about a month ago, where at least 4 foul balls found their way to the bleachers set far behind home plate. One in particular was coming straight for my noggin at a time when I wasn’t paying as much attention as I should have. To my husband’s desperate “heads up” cry, I tried to lean away from him, while he tried to pull me toward him. He managed to knock the ball away just over my head with one hand and scratched the heck out of my arm with his other. He got me from the front of my arm clear around to the back. It drew a fair amount of blood and it’s still healing now, but at least I didn’t get hit in the head with a ball.
The foul balls have continued their attack ever since. This weekend went above and beyond and left me wondering if the world is trying to take me out.
During Saturday’s game (the same one which left my husband limping), I set up my chair a good ways past third base. I’d guess at least 6 balls came out that way. Two prompted me to flee my chair quickly. One hit just two feet from where I cowered with my hands over my head. Clearly I need to learn to dodge better.
On Sunday there was yet another game at yet a different field. I set my chair up between home and first, closer to first. The first foul ball appeared to be coming directly for me so I took of running. It bounced right next to my chair. A couple of the other parents commented on the close call and joked that someone must have it out for me. I told them they had no idea, but I think by game’s end, they understood.
I found myself running from a lot more balls that morning. A couple of them were after I had abandoned my chair and moved to the other side of the bleachers (closer to home plate). It didn’t seem to matter where I was. I moved to a parking lot and a ball landed there.
As I finally determined that it didn’t matter where I stood, I went back to my chair and stayed alert. Sure enough, one of the last plays of the game sent me fleeing my chair again. As I ran away I heard the ball hit the ground right behind me, then felt the sting as it bounced into my hind end.
Add me to the injured players list. I may be out the rest of the season.
It is curious that my stepson who actually plays in the games hasn’t had any injuries. I’m grateful for that.
Somehow the people who don’t play baseball are the ones who keep getting baseball injuries. Go figure.
After Saturday’s game, my husband, who coaches the team, hobbled out of the dugout severely favoring one ankle. He explained that he had been hit in the ankle with a baseball when warming up one of the pitchers. Due to the large amount of swelling, he spent the next few hours elevating and icing his ankle.
My husband isn’t the only magnet, though. For some reason this year, I’ve had more foul balls fly my way than I can count. It doesn’t matter if I sit by first base, third base, or stand behind home plate. Somehow foul balls adjust their trajectory toward me.
It all started at my stepson’s middle school game about a month ago, where at least 4 foul balls found their way to the bleachers set far behind home plate. One in particular was coming straight for my noggin at a time when I wasn’t paying as much attention as I should have. To my husband’s desperate “heads up” cry, I tried to lean away from him, while he tried to pull me toward him. He managed to knock the ball away just over my head with one hand and scratched the heck out of my arm with his other. He got me from the front of my arm clear around to the back. It drew a fair amount of blood and it’s still healing now, but at least I didn’t get hit in the head with a ball.
The foul balls have continued their attack ever since. This weekend went above and beyond and left me wondering if the world is trying to take me out.
During Saturday’s game (the same one which left my husband limping), I set up my chair a good ways past third base. I’d guess at least 6 balls came out that way. Two prompted me to flee my chair quickly. One hit just two feet from where I cowered with my hands over my head. Clearly I need to learn to dodge better.
On Sunday there was yet another game at yet a different field. I set my chair up between home and first, closer to first. The first foul ball appeared to be coming directly for me so I took of running. It bounced right next to my chair. A couple of the other parents commented on the close call and joked that someone must have it out for me. I told them they had no idea, but I think by game’s end, they understood.
I found myself running from a lot more balls that morning. A couple of them were after I had abandoned my chair and moved to the other side of the bleachers (closer to home plate). It didn’t seem to matter where I was. I moved to a parking lot and a ball landed there.
As I finally determined that it didn’t matter where I stood, I went back to my chair and stayed alert. Sure enough, one of the last plays of the game sent me fleeing my chair again. As I ran away I heard the ball hit the ground right behind me, then felt the sting as it bounced into my hind end.
Add me to the injured players list. I may be out the rest of the season.
It is curious that my stepson who actually plays in the games hasn’t had any injuries. I’m grateful for that.
Monday, May 10, 2010
How Was Mother's Day?
How was Mother’s Day? Did you get catered to and adored all day? I certainly hope so.
I got up much too early in the morning to go to my stepson’s baseball game. As we were packing up to leave, my stepson asked what I was going to do for the day. I said I was going to his baseball game. “But it’s Mother’s Day,” he said in a sweet tone that implied I shouldn’t have to go if I didn’t want to. I explained that yes it was Mother’s Day which was precisely why I wanted to go see my kid play.
And yes, I refer to him as my kid. He lives with me and my husband full-time. I go to all his games and do the daily things a mom is “supposed” to do. I believe that makes him partly my kid. I may not have made him, but I am contributing to the person he is becoming.
Just last week for my birthday he gave me a beautiful pot of flowers and a card, both of which I’m told he picked out all on his own. Scrawled on the front of the envelope in giant letters was “To Sherri/Bonus Mom.”
I’m lucky to have him in my life. As we sat at a hibachi table for Mother’s Day lunch, I told him so.
Throughout the day he wished me a happy mother’s day no less than a dozen times. Stepmotherhood brings with it a number of frustrations, but it is also filled with unexpected moments of bliss. Mother’s day has become one such event. I never expected to be acknowledged, but my stepson and my husband honor me each year. It’s really special.
I made phone calls to my own mom and stepmom this afternoon since they are in different states and I couldn’t be with them.
What did you do for Mother’s Day?
I got up much too early in the morning to go to my stepson’s baseball game. As we were packing up to leave, my stepson asked what I was going to do for the day. I said I was going to his baseball game. “But it’s Mother’s Day,” he said in a sweet tone that implied I shouldn’t have to go if I didn’t want to. I explained that yes it was Mother’s Day which was precisely why I wanted to go see my kid play.
And yes, I refer to him as my kid. He lives with me and my husband full-time. I go to all his games and do the daily things a mom is “supposed” to do. I believe that makes him partly my kid. I may not have made him, but I am contributing to the person he is becoming.
Just last week for my birthday he gave me a beautiful pot of flowers and a card, both of which I’m told he picked out all on his own. Scrawled on the front of the envelope in giant letters was “To Sherri/Bonus Mom.”
I’m lucky to have him in my life. As we sat at a hibachi table for Mother’s Day lunch, I told him so.
Throughout the day he wished me a happy mother’s day no less than a dozen times. Stepmotherhood brings with it a number of frustrations, but it is also filled with unexpected moments of bliss. Mother’s day has become one such event. I never expected to be acknowledged, but my stepson and my husband honor me each year. It’s really special.
I made phone calls to my own mom and stepmom this afternoon since they are in different states and I couldn’t be with them.
What did you do for Mother’s Day?
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Happy Mother's Day
Mothers come in all shapes and all sizes. They are patient, they are kind. They are stern, they are tough. They give hugs, kiss scrapes, and clap the loudest.
Mothers do what needs to be done, often without any thanks. They support, love, work, and provide.
To all mothers - biological, step, adoptive, foster - thank you for everything you do. I wish you a very happy mother's day!
In honor of you, here is author Kelly Corrigan talking about what makes her mother special. This video makes me laugh and it makes me tear up. (If you're viewing this in a reader, you may need to click through to the full post to see the video.)
Happy Mother's Day, everyone!
Mothers do what needs to be done, often without any thanks. They support, love, work, and provide.
To all mothers - biological, step, adoptive, foster - thank you for everything you do. I wish you a very happy mother's day!
In honor of you, here is author Kelly Corrigan talking about what makes her mother special. This video makes me laugh and it makes me tear up. (If you're viewing this in a reader, you may need to click through to the full post to see the video.)
Happy Mother's Day, everyone!
Friday, May 7, 2010
Happy Post - Perfect Purple Edition
As you probably know, I’ve been taking some time each Friday to reflect on what is making me happy. It’s great to focus on what is going right since we sometimes get bogged down in what is going wrong.
Yesterday was my birthday, so it only makes sense that today’s happy post show exactly what made my day so happy.
Because I can do whatever I want for my birthday, I took the day off work and went for a pedicure, shopped my local garden center for this season’s plants, dyed my hair a funky color, and had a fabulous homemade dinner.
At the garden shop, I had two goals in mind: creating a flowery mound in my front yard and planting some fresh vegetables and herbs in my backyard garden. Here is my bounty.
Flowers, veggies, and herbs ready to be planted
Over breakfast, my husband and mother-in-law asked what I wanted for my birthday dinner. My reply was simple. Chocolate cake with chocolate icing. They said, “Definitely cake! What do you want for dinner?” My reply was the same. I’m unclear as to why this was confusing. :)
We decided on grilled steaks, asparagus with hollandaise sauce, and spinach salad with apples and grapes. It was all delicious, by the way. Plus, I didn’t have to cook or clean up. Woohoo!
As for cake, it was the perfect opportunity to use the butterfly cake pan my friend gave me for Christmas. If you ask me, it’s the most awesomest cake ever! Alongside the cake we had fresh strawberries and smoothies. Yum!
The most awesomest birthday cake ever!
But let’s get to the hair. I know a lot of you requested pictures. Back in March, I asked if a grown-up can have pink hair. Everyone who commented here, on WorkingMother.com, and on Twitter, was hugely supportive, so I decided that I would go for it on my birthday (and I didn't even chicken out!).
First let me explain that I scheduled the appointment thinking I would get a pink stripe. When I got to the salon, I looked through a few books to get ideas for what shade to use and where it should go.
I found a gorgeous shade of purply pink, so the hairdresser said she would mix purple and pink together. She went a little heavy on the purple because she was worried about giving me too bright of a color since I’ve never dyed my hair an unconventional color before.
She dyed a few well placed streaks on the underneath layers, which means when my hair is down, you may catch a glimpse of purple, but you may not. If I pull the top little bit of hair back, you see the purple streaks. I think the placement is perfect.
Without further ado, here are some photos. What do you think?
My purple streaks
Close-up courtesy of my stepson
I guess we will find out if a grown-up/stepmom can have purple hair. So far it's only been seen in my house.
As it turns out, purple hair was perfectly aligned with the unintentional theme in my gifts.
As it turns out, purple hair was perfectly aligned with the unintentional theme in my gifts.
My in-laws gave me a recipe book holder and a purple dress, my stepson gave me some beautiful purple flowers, and my husband gave me a fabulous new point-and-shoot camera in a lovely purply pink. Too perfect!
Purple was an unintentional theme for the gifts I received
So those are the things making me happy today. What is making you happy?
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Me Without Apologies
Today is my 33rd birthday. I love my birthday, not because of presents or attention (not that those hurt), but because it is the one day a year I feel absolutely guilt free about how I spend my time. It is the ultimate day to be me, without apologies.
Being my genuine, authentic self has been forefront in my mind in the last few years. I'm learning not to care what others may think. I'm learning that sometimes I think people think worse of me than they actually do. In the past I've let that fear dictate my actions, but over the past few years I've tried to let all of those thoughts go.
It's not easy. I still get caught up in worry and fear. I believe, though, that being genuine is worth it. Only by doing so can I be me without apologies everyday.
So what's on my agenda today? First, it was to take a self-portrait. I took the one you see here in my backyard this morning.
Next up, pedicure followed by shopping for my garden stuff (veggies! flowers! herbs!). This afternoon I'll be at the hairdresser getting my pink stripe. Something tells me another birthday self-portrait will be coming.
The universe must have known it was my birthday because we got a call this morning that my stepson's baseball practice scheduled for tonight has been canceled. Yay! That means we can all hang out and have fun tonight.
My husband is going to grill steaks and make smoothies. My mother-in-law is going to make one of my favorite salads and a chocolate cake. (Chocolate cake with chocolate icing was my first request upon being asked what I wanted for my birthday dinner. Actually it was my second and third requests, too.)
My mother-in-law said, "So we'll make the cake. Do you have a cake pan?"
Oh yes. I have a cake a pan. A glorious butterfly shaped cake pan that my beautiful friend Alina gave me for Christmas.
There will be chocolate butterfly cake. Awesome!
In the words of Big & Rich, "Today is even better than yesterday. Everything is going my way. I'm living in the big time."
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Spring Busyness
I know I've been quiet lately and I can't promise I'll be around consistently for the next few weeks, but I wanted to let you know I'm still here.
You see spring is a busy, busy time. (I'm sure many of you can relate!) My work generally gets a lot heavier in the spring months as the rate of sold projects picks up. There always seems to be a rush in the spring and then again in September through the end of the year.
On top of that it is baseball season and, as anyone with athletic kids or stepkids can attest, schedules can get quite hectic.
My stepson is playing on rec, travel, and school teams. There is pretty much a baseball practice or game (or both!) every day of the week.
With the weather turning warm and breezy, I consider baseball games great excuses to spend some time outside soaking it up. I love these spring days.
What are you up to this gorgeous spring? (Or fall for my ladies in the southern hemisphere?)
As we approach the end of the school year, I reflected on math homework at WorkingMother.com. I hope you'll check it out.
You see spring is a busy, busy time. (I'm sure many of you can relate!) My work generally gets a lot heavier in the spring months as the rate of sold projects picks up. There always seems to be a rush in the spring and then again in September through the end of the year.
On top of that it is baseball season and, as anyone with athletic kids or stepkids can attest, schedules can get quite hectic.
My stepson is playing on rec, travel, and school teams. There is pretty much a baseball practice or game (or both!) every day of the week.
With the weather turning warm and breezy, I consider baseball games great excuses to spend some time outside soaking it up. I love these spring days.
What are you up to this gorgeous spring? (Or fall for my ladies in the southern hemisphere?)
As we approach the end of the school year, I reflected on math homework at WorkingMother.com. I hope you'll check it out.
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