Happy Post - Perfect Purple Edition

As you probably know, I’ve been taking some time each Friday to reflect on what is making me happy. It’s great to focus on what is going right since we sometimes get bogged down in what is going wrong.

Yesterday was my birthday, so it only makes sense that today’s happy post show exactly what made my day so happy.

Because I can do whatever I want for my birthday, I took the day off work and went for a pedicure, shopped my local garden center for this season’s plants, dyed my hair a funky color, and had a fabulous homemade dinner.

At the garden shop, I had two goals in mind: creating a flowery mound in my front yard and planting some fresh vegetables and herbs in my backyard garden. Here is my bounty.

Flowers, veggies, and herbs ready to be planted

Over breakfast, my husband and mother-in-law asked what I wanted for my birthday dinner. My reply was simple. Chocolate cake with chocolate icing. They said, “Definitely cake! What do you want for dinner?” My reply was the same. I’m unclear as to why this was confusing. :)

We decided on grilled steaks, asparagus with hollandaise sauce, and spinach salad with apples and grapes. It was all delicious, by the way. Plus, I didn’t have to cook or clean up. Woohoo!

As for cake, it was the perfect opportunity to use the butterfly cake pan my friend gave me for Christmas. If you ask me, it’s the most awesomest cake ever! Alongside the cake we had fresh strawberries and smoothies. Yum!

The most awesomest birthday cake ever!

But let’s get to the hair. I know a lot of you requested pictures.  Back in March, I asked if a grown-up can have pink hair.  Everyone who commented here, on WorkingMother.com, and on Twitter, was hugely supportive, so I decided that I would go for it on my birthday (and I didn't even chicken out!).

First let me explain that I scheduled the appointment thinking I would get a pink stripe. When I got to the salon, I looked through a few books to get ideas for what shade to use and where it should go.

I found a gorgeous shade of purply pink, so the hairdresser said she would mix purple and pink together. She went a little heavy on the purple because she was worried about giving me too bright of a color since I’ve never dyed my hair an unconventional color before.

She dyed a few well placed streaks on the underneath layers, which means when my hair is down, you may catch a glimpse of purple, but you may not. If I pull the top little bit of hair back, you see the purple streaks. I think the placement is perfect.

Without further ado, here are some photos. What do you think?

My purple streaks

Close-up courtesy of my stepson

I guess we will find out if a grown-up/stepmom can have purple hair.  So far it's only been seen in my house.

As it turns out, purple hair was perfectly aligned with the unintentional theme in my gifts.

My in-laws gave me a recipe book holder and a purple dress, my stepson gave me some beautiful purple flowers, and my husband gave me a fabulous new point-and-shoot camera in a lovely purply pink. Too perfect!

Purple was an unintentional theme for the gifts I received

So those are the things making me happy today. What is making you happy?

Me Without Apologies

Today is my 33rd birthday. I love my birthday, not because of presents or attention (not that those hurt), but because it is the one day a year I feel absolutely guilt free about how I spend my time. It is the ultimate day to be me, without apologies.

Being my genuine, authentic self has been forefront in my mind in the last few years. I'm learning not to care what others may think. I'm learning that sometimes I think people think worse of me than they actually do. In the past I've let that fear dictate my actions, but over the past few years I've tried to let all of those thoughts go.

It's not easy. I still get caught up in worry and fear. I believe, though, that being genuine is worth it. Only by doing so can I be me without apologies everyday.

So what's on my agenda today? First, it was to take a self-portrait. I took the one you see here in my backyard this morning.

Next up, pedicure followed by shopping for my garden stuff (veggies! flowers! herbs!). This afternoon I'll be at the hairdresser getting my pink stripe. Something tells me another birthday self-portrait will be coming.

The universe must have known it was my birthday because we got a call this morning that my stepson's baseball practice scheduled for tonight has been canceled. Yay! That means we can all hang out and have fun tonight.

My husband is going to grill steaks and make smoothies. My mother-in-law is going to make one of my favorite salads and a chocolate cake. (Chocolate cake with chocolate icing was my first request upon being asked what I wanted for my birthday dinner. Actually it was my second and third requests, too.)

My mother-in-law said, "So we'll make the cake. Do you have a cake pan?"

Oh yes. I have a cake a pan. A glorious butterfly shaped cake pan that my beautiful friend Alina gave me for Christmas.

There will be chocolate butterfly cake. Awesome!

In the words of Big & Rich, "Today is even better than yesterday. Everything is going my way. I'm living in the big time."

Spring Busyness

I know I've been quiet lately and I can't promise I'll be around consistently for the next few weeks, but I wanted to let you know I'm still here.

You see spring is a busy, busy time. (I'm sure many of you can relate!) My work generally gets a lot heavier in the spring months as the rate of sold projects picks up. There always seems to be a rush in the spring and then again in September through the end of the year.

On top of that it is baseball season and, as anyone with athletic kids or stepkids can attest, schedules can get quite hectic.

My stepson is playing on rec, travel, and school teams. There is pretty much a baseball practice or game (or both!) every day of the week.

With the weather turning warm and breezy, I consider baseball games great excuses to spend some time outside soaking it up. I love these spring days.

What are you up to this gorgeous spring? (Or fall for my ladies in the southern hemisphere?)

As we approach the end of the school year, I reflected on math homework at WorkingMother.com. I hope you'll check it out.

Too Young to Have a Kid So Big

I learned a big lesson about myself last week when it comes to taking things personally. I’ve spent my entire life being mistaken as younger than I am. I used to hate it when adults would say, “you’ll appreciate it someday.” As a kid, “someday” doesn’t exist. You just want to grow up now.

And now I am grown up. I’ll be 33 in just a few short weeks and I still get mistaken for being 10 years younger. I know, I know- what a great problem to have. Don’t get me wrong. I am happy with the way I look and I’m sure I’ll continue to appreciate it “someday.”

The thing is I’m at a time in my life where I’m supposed to be somewhat of an authority. You know, look like I’ve been working for a while, act like a parent, etc. I think I’m good at my job and I do my best to be a good stepmom, but I see how some people look at me and I assume they are thinking, “she’s too young.”

As if to confirm my suspicions, a lot of people I’ve encountered lately have commented that I look too young to have a 12-year-old kid. I get stuck in this awkward, “um, thanks” while I try to explain (or not) that he’s my stepson or that I’m older than I look.

In fact, this just happened last week. My stepson and I had dentist appointments and while I was in the dentist’s chair, I heard the dental hygienist in my stepson’s room say, “his mom is right over there.”

Then the dentist came in to give me his assessment of my stepson’s teeth. The first thing he said to me was, “oh, you’re his mom? You don’t look old enough to have a son that big.”

My mind went to its usual place of “What? Are you accusing me of birthing a baby when I was in high school?” Of course, I didn’t say that. I went into my usual stuttering answer (which probably doesn’t help the whole authority figure thing).

Later when I relayed the story to my husband saying I never know how to respond in that situation, I broke out laughing. I couldn’t help it. All of a sudden when I was telling him about it, I realized I was blowing things way out of proportion. Those people are probably just trying to be nice. The appropriate response would be a simple “thank you!” That’s it. No apologies or explanations necessary.

My whole panic is really just my stuff getting in the way. And by “stuff” I mean insecurities. It really is time for me to let go of my stuff and accept these comments as compliments.

Affirmations

I used to think affirmations were hokey. It always made me think of people trying to be tough in business. I don’t know why, but that’s what my mind always made it about.

Last year, Jenn Gibson at Kind Over Matter collected sets of affirmations from several wonderful women and offered them as free downloads on her site.

With options like “Today may I embrace whimsy” and "Today may I let my intuition guide me," I could really get on board with affirmations.

I printed them out and taped them to the wall in my closet where I could see them every day while getting dressed. I even added a few little stickies to mark which ones I want to focus on at the moment.

I don’t change affirmations daily. I tend to hang on to them for a week or so until I feel ready for something different.

Last week Erin talked about affirmations on her blog, following The Stepmom's Toolbox Radio Show where the topic was raised. Erin and crew decided to start The 30 Day Affirmation Challenge to see how daily affirmations help other stepmoms.

One of Erin's opening examples made me laugh: "I will recognize that I may be the most mature one in the stepfamily." We probably all have days like that, right?

Until Erin’s post, I never really thought about using affirmations in relation to my role as a stepmom. The idea intrigues me, so I think I’ll give it a try in my usual weekly style.

This week, my stepmom affirmation is ripped right from the Kind Over Matter set. Today may I breath and let it pass.

It's been a trying week on my soul as I've asked for help around the house and tried to police the chore board. I just don't want to do that. In fact, as of today I am letting the "not mine" chores stack up to save my own sanity.

I'm sure all of us in this house feel like we are doing a lot. Just because I prefer my living space to be organized doesn't mean it has to be everyone else's priority. Furthermore, I reserve the right to not be traffic cop.

If it doesn't bother anyone else that couch space is dwindling because of laptops, power cords, and pillows in disarray, I will do my best to breathe and let it pass. Then I will flop contentedly into my corner reading chair where nothing stands in the way of my resting.

Wild and Crazy Stepmom

I used to think I was flighty and unfocused. Maybe it’s from growing up with an engineer as a father. I tried hard to be a good student and follow a logical, “stable” path.

Now that I’m a grown-up, I have a good job in web project management. I know how to do my job and I think I’m good at it.

But there’s this other side to me that I’ve been afraid to acknowledge as more than just a hobby. I’m somewhat of a creative free-spirit. It feels weird to say that because I’ve trained myself to be logical.

The point I’m trying to make is I have “wild and crazy” ideas. A few days ago I was given a box of brightly colored nail polishes in blue, green, purple, and orange to name a few. I was delighted, yet terrified.

As a grown-up web producer stepmom, can I wear those crazy colors? Bear in mind, I usually keep my finger nails natural. In the summer I like to get pedicures and often go for a simple french pedicure or the occasional magenta to spice it up.

Today as I headed out of the office for work, my husband asked where my St. Patrick’s Day green was. I told him I didn’t have anything in my work wardrobe that was green. He asked, “Don’t you have green nail polish now?”

I was so excited that I ran downstairs and polished my nails over breakfast. Grown up… in the office… in green nail polish. It’s such a rush! I’ve been happy and energetic all day.

This little box of polishes appeals so much to the side of me that wants to dye a pink stripe in my hair. I’ve already been working up my courage and may try the pink stripe for my birthday in May (if I don’t chicken out).

When I think about it, though, this little voice says, “you are supposed to be a responsible adult. You’re a stepmom for crying out loud. What will people think when you show up to your stepson's baseball games with pink hair?”

So I’m asking you stepmoms and non-stepmoms alike: What would you think of a grown up woman like me with a pink stripe in her hair?

Does being a stepmom hold you back from any wild and crazy ideas?

Infertility and Stress

I’m switching gears a little today to talk about something I haven’t been really public about before.

When my husband and I got married almost two years ago, we were surprised and delighted to find out one month later that I was pregnant. It felt like a sign that we were right where we were meant to be.

Eleven weeks and two ultrasounds in, I miscarried. To make matters worse, my D+C was scheduled on my husband’s birthday. Needless to say no one was feeling celebratory.

It was one of the most horrible times in my life. I slid into depression and cried month after month when my cycle restarted.

I tried to stay positive. I kept thinking my body was just purging the first pregnancy as a natural progression to making way for a stronger pregnancy soon after.

It’s been 17 months since I miscarried and we’ve yet to get pregnant again. It’s still heartbreaking, especially since I dream of being a stay at home mom. Each passing month is still heartbreaking and still brings depression spells. Though sometimes, it brings more of a resigned numbness.

So, why am I mentioning this today? As I sat in the infertility doctor’s office this morning. I was thinking about some of the other stepmom’s writings I’ve read and realized many of them had also mentioned somewhere along the line not having kids of their own despite their best efforts.

I truly believe that stress is a big factor in a couple’s ability to conceive. Miscarriage certainly brings with it plenty of stress. Add to that the adjustment of new stepfamily life, business woes, my in-laws moving in to our home, and most recently the passing of loved ones and I can certainly understand why my body might be rebelling.

I wonder, though, if infertility among stepmothers is prevalent or if I just happen to be connecting with people who’ve had similar experiences.

Is stress a factor in fertility? If so, how do the complexities of stepfamily life weigh in? Perhaps not at all, but that’s what I pondered while waiting far too long in the doctor’s office this morning.

Kindness and Not Taking Things Personally

Ask and ye shall receive. Even if the question isn’t seen by everyone, somehow putting it out there prompts a response from the universe.

Before publishing yesterday’s post, I was aware of a call that was happening at The Stepmom’s Toolbox about not taking things so personally. I still haven’t had a chance to listen to the recording, but I plan on saving it to my iPod tonight to listen to during my train ride to Virginia tomorrow.

I can’t wait to listen to it, especially after Stepmum of the Year’s comment yesterday wherein she linked to a post on Café Smom’s blog called, Don’t Take Things So Personally Pledge. Thank you, stepmum, for the link!

In the post, chief smom (as the author calls herself) reflects on the Stepmom’s Toolbox phone call. She says:

My greatest takeaway is that I am actually gaining power over my own emotions and life when I give up the power to know everything and control certain situations. When I choose not to take something personally, I am empowering myself to have peace in my heart. What a gift that I can give myself.

Whoa. It’s a great mind shift, isn’t it? Choosing not to take something personally, empowers us to have peace in our own heart. I love that. It won’t necessarily be easy to put this into practice, but think how great the rewards will be. Thank you, chief smom, for your insights! I will be joining in your challenge.

Then I read a lovely post by Connie at Dirty Footprints Studio about kindness. Connie is an artist/art teacher/beautiful soul who isn’t afraid to live out loud. Today she talks about what she has learned from teaching, including this:

And teaching has taught me, over and over again,

to be kind.

To just be kind. No matter what. No matter when.

No matter how you have to figure yourself out,

to find the courage-

to let go of pride-

to turn the other cheek-

To put your own insecurities aside.

Letting go of pride and putting my own insecurities aside are great reminders for me. They are things I continue to struggle with as I learn to be comfortable in my own skin as a stepmom, as a wife, and as an individual. As usual, Connie, you are reminding me what life is all about.

Finally, I have to say that even with the occasional blips that happen in day-to-day family life, our spontaneous ski trip was soooo worth it. The connection, the time away, the spur-of-the-moment-no-time-to-second-guess nature of it, all of it worked to replenish our souls, which I wrote about at today at Working Mother.

I hope you are all having a fabulous Wednesday.  Thank you for listening and responding in kind.

Snow Day Phenomenon

There is a strange phenomenon occurring on the east coast. It’s not the snow exactly, although these blizzards are a little out of control. The blizzards also brought with it a day off from school for my stepson and a day of working from home for my husband and me. For some reason we have hit some magic point where it seems to be wreaking havoc on our home.

Find out what happened in my post on Working Mother.

Anyone else dealing with extreme weather?