Affirmations #4: Being Genuine

"Don't take it personally."

Oh, that affirmation last week was a good one. I realized how many things I take personally in my day-to-day life. (Hint: a lot!) One such story coming later this week. Stay tuned.

On a few occasions last week I was able to recognize where I was about to take something personally and was able to change my thought process to instead consider other possible meanings.

In other instances where I wasn't as lucky to catch myself in the act of taking things personally, I was able to reflect later on what happened and how I could respond in the future.

That's a big lesson, don't you think?

This week I feel like I need to focus on another aspect of myself:

I am genuine. My actions and behavior reflect my true self.

I've had something of an identity crisis for the last, oh, 30+ years. I am a people pleaser who has spent most of my life trying to keep (or make) other people happy.

What I'm learning is this: I need to be true to myself in order to best serve those around me. I can't help others effectively if I am trying to be something that doesn't fit.

So this week out with the people pleasing, in with authenticity! Only by fulfilling my core values can I help others fulfill theirs.

What will you focus on this week?

Blog Parties, Affirmations, and Dreams About Wednesday Martin?

My brain is swirling with a lot of things right now, so I apologize in advance for the somewhat random conglomeration of topics. Deep breaths, everyone. Here we go.

Ultimate Blog Party intro

The lovely ladies at 5 Minutes for Mom are hosting the Ultimate Blog Party this week. It’s a party… on the web. No cups or confetti to clean up when it’s done, but perhaps I’ll find some kindred spirits.

By way of introduction, I’ll say that I’m not a biological mom. I am a full-time stepmom. What I mean by that is my husband has full custody of his son. Where other children of divorce often split their time between their mother’s and father’s homes, my stepson is with us all of the time.

I met my stepson when he was about to turn nine. I wasn’t there for his first laugh, first steps, or first words. I didn’t get to marvel with him while he learned about grass or trees or birds.

When I met my stepson he had already been on baseball and soccer teams. He knew how to read and multiply numbers. Meanwhile, I had to learn his favorite foods, what clothes he liked to wear, and which hair clippers the hairdresser should use when trimming.

He had to learn what to call me (Sherri is fine), but more importantly he had to learn that I wasn’t there to impede his relationship with his dad. That wasn’t something I could say and have him learn over night. It was something he had to grow comfortable with in his own time.

Becoming a stepfamily happens slowly over years. It isn’t simply living under the same roof or sharing a last name. It takes time to grow together and figure out how to respect one another.

My husband, my stepson, and I are still figuring it out. I married my husband a year and a half ago and my stepson is now nearing 13.

There are moments I treasure and moments I wonder what I got myself into. Overall, though, we’ve hit a rhythm with our lives and our schedules.

Best of all, there are plenty of hugs to go around.

Affirmations #3

Ever since The Stepmom’s Toolbox suggested a 30 day affirmation challenge, I’ve been inspired to set weekly affirmations on Mondays. Just a simple phrase that I can keep with me and breathe in to help me stay focused on what is important.

I’ve noticed lately that I’ve been extra sensitive to criticism (and by criticism, I really mean perceived criticism). At home and at work I’ve struggled with this, so it seems time to focus on this:

Don’t take it personally.

If I detect a sour tone of voice or anger or frustration, I will do my best to understand that it was not aimed at me. When I feel strong I enough, I will go further by trying to decipher what might be the root cause of a bad mood.

This week, I will understand that it’s not about me.

Dream About Wednesday Martin

In other news, I had a dream last night in which I met Wednesday Martin. In my dream, my husband and I were in a grocery store and I saw Wednesday selecting some produce.

Just as I was about to tell my husband who it was, he took my hand, led me to her and said, “Hi Wednesday! How have you been? It’s been a while.” He introduced me to her and we talked about stepmotherhood and writing and blogging and life. (I know… that’s a lot of stuff!)

When we parted, I talked with my husband about how they met (they were old friends) and her role in studying stepfamilies (of which he was unaware until then).

I was so happy to have met her. Alas, when I awoke I realized that this was all in my imagination.

I’m not great at dream interpretation, so I don’t know what all this means, but it sounds like I should at least keep following Wednesday’s work.

In closing…

This should be an interesting week. How the heck are you?

Affirmations #2

Setting a stepmom affirmation last week helped me keep a positive attitude, so I wanted to try it again this week.

Where The Stepmom's Toolbox has issued a 30 daily affirmations challenge, I am adjusting it to weekly affirmations which gives me extra time to really internalize my selected thought.

For this week's affirmation, I have gone back to the list posted on my closet wall. The lesson I chose continues the path I set last week.

Today may I trust that all will be well.

Last week I learned to breathe and let pass the things that I found bothersome. In doing so, things got done eventually and all turned out well.

It seems appropriate this week to start at the end and trust that all will be well. Because ultimately, it will be, whether it was done "my way" or not.

What is your affirmation of the week (or day)?

Affirmation Follow-Up and Happy

Affirmation Follow-Up

After the affirmations post last Sunday, I thought it might be a good idea to look back over my week and see if it was affected by my week's affirmation.

This week I chose to focus on the phrase, "Today may I breathe and let it pass." I was becoming quite frustrated with the level of housework I felt like I was doing compared with the level of housework I felt like everyone else was doing.

I'm obviously too involved in the situation to determine if I am truly doing more than everyone else or if I just wasn't giving enough credit to everyone else.

Instead I focused on my affirmation. I started letting things pass rather than nit-picking over things that I thought should be done. I backed off my "parental" side that wanted to keep everyone on schedule and let my husband handle policing my stepson's chore board.

In moments where I wondered why the dishwasher hadn't been unloaded yet while other dishes piled on the counter or why the trash was overflowing, I did not nag. I mentioned once (and only once) "you have the opportunity to earn some money today for the dishwasher, the trash, and setting the dinner table." If my husband chose to, he could nag.

(I should mention here that my stepson earns money through his chores to pay for his cell phone. My husband confiscated that phone this week due to my stepson's late payment and lack of funds.)

At any rate, I was not policing. I was breathing and letting things pass.

A miraculous thing happened. Chores got done. They may not have been taken care of on my timetable, but why did I need a timetable anyway? So what if the dishes piled up? I let it go. Whenever it got done, it got done.

By Wednesday, my husband, my stepson, and I were hitting a rhythm. We even spent extra time talking and snuggling. I'd say this week's affirmation was a success. This weekend I'll have to think about my next affirmation.

This week's Happy

Today at Stepmom Diaries on WorkingMother.com, I talk about a book blogging group that, each Friday, has me looking at what is making me happy this week.

I thought it might be fun to bring that exercise here as well, since we all get caught up in the helter skelter. It's nice to take a minute and think about what makes you happy.

These are some of the things making me happy this week.

• A "quiet" work week. That's right, no major fires to put out this week. I got to focus simply on getting things done.
• My friends. This week I heard from each of my closest friends. It was such a treasure to share joy and encouragement.
• Twitter. I have met and shared conversations with so many people I otherwise would never have met including other stepmoms, artists, and soul searchers. (Come say hello. I'm @lifeafterweb.)
• My stepson made the middle school baseball team. This is the first year he is eligible to try out and he wanted so much to make the team. Hooray for him!
• My husband who, for whatever reason, gave up his weekly game night (an xbox online meetup with his friend) and instead spent the evening snuggling with me on the couch. He even banned laptops.

What is making you happy this week?  Share your Happy in the comments.