107 Days and Counting: In-law Update

I thought it might be time for an in-law update. As you may or may not recall, my husband’s parents moved in to our guest room at the beginning of December due to an unfortunate circumstance.

The overly complicated politics involved in their ability to get a new home have been dragging on interminably, so the living arrangement that we all thought would surely be over by spring is still very much in place.

We are now 107 days in and here is what I know.

We had to throw out the mini-pickles that took up residence in our refrigerator early on. No one seemed to be eating them and the concept of tiny pickles in a pudding cup style container, in general, was a bit unsettling to me.

Despite arriving at our house with an entire case of Cheerios, it would appear my in-laws don’t actually eat Cheerios. In four months, we are down from the original 12 boxes to 11.

Burglars don’t knock, a fact we learned after my father-in-law arrived home after midnight a few times sans house key. My husband has an uncanny ability to awake, roll out of bed, grab a flashlight and a baseball bat, and be in the hallway in less than 5 seconds. Fortunately his ninja skills were not required.

It is difficult enough to coordinate three people’s schedules. It is so much more difficult to coordinate five people’s schedules.

The house feels like it’s in a constant state of disarray. I’m not by any means implying that my in-laws are messy people. But accommodating two more adults in one house means there is just plain more stuff.

For example, the stuff that used to be neatly stored in the guest room closet is heaped in the upstairs hallway, so that my in-laws could hang their clothes.

There is a cable running from my stepson’s room down the hall, balanced over top of the bathroom door frame and down the other side to reach into the guest room giving my in-laws their own TV.

There are reading glasses everywhere.

My stepson’s sink counter and cabinet underneath are filled with toiletries and hair styling tools that are not his.

And someone keeps oiling the non-stick skillet, though no one will admit to it. I keep finding it in the cupboard with beads of oil on it and then I have to wash it again before I can use it.

Which brings me to another thing I’ve learned about having house guests for an extended period of time: It means there are more people saying, “not me.” I have a whole new appreciation for the Not Me ghost in Family Circus comics. I think he’s moved into our home as well.

There are some good things, too.

I’m not the only girl in the house anymore, so I fair better in family votes.

My in-laws share in the cooking duties. On days when I commute to New York, not only have they cooked and fed my family, they have saved a plate for me in the oven. Rather than arriving home late at night and having to figure out what to make, I get to just sit down and eat. That feeling is priceless.

So, that’s what we’ve been up to. Wish them luck that my in-laws’ situation will be resolved soon. They really miss having their own space (not to mention all their stuff which is still in storage).

Cooking for How Many?

I know how to cook for two. I know how much food to take out if I want just enough or if I want there to be leftovers. When I got divorced, I had to learn how to cook for one, which is difficult because food tends not to come in single servings. It's also tough to be motivated to cook for one. I had a lot of cereal, soup, and pasta- things that could easily be portioned.

When I got remarried, I suddenly had to cook for three. I now know that 3/4 of a pound of pasta and one jar of sauce is just about right. If I kick up the sauce with extra ingredients and use the full pound of pasta, there will be leftovers.

Chicken tenderloins come seven to a package. That's three for my husband, two for me, and two for my stepson. One can of corn splits three ways perfectly. I can buy a two pack of steak, plus one individually wrapped steak to feed three. One head of broccoli steams a serving for each of us.

It took a lot of trial and error to get to this point. I made meals that left way too much in the end and meals that left us scrambling for snacks. But there is a balance and a rhythm I've come to.

That is, until my in-laws moved in. Suddenly all of my portions are null. To feed five people requires the extra large package of chicken breasts. (Did you know those cost more than $12?) That usually leaves one chicken breast left over- often a scrawny piece that certainly can't be turned into leftovers for five. If I chop it up to mix in a bowl of salad or rice, I can make lunch for two.

So I'm back at the beginning learning how to portion appropriately for four adults and a growing boy whose appetite is sometimes equal to my husband's and other times satiated by a mere three bites. While I'm decent in the kitchen, I wouldn't say I'm one of those people that can take last night's meatloaf and turn it into tonight's beef demi-glaze in a reduction sauce. (Heck, I don't even know if all those words go together.)

I'll keep trying. Eventually I'm sure I'll figure out how many pounds of ground beef and taco shells are needed. If anyone has suggestions for feeding five, I'd be appreciative. I'm thinking my crockpot could get some more use.

How Many Toasters Can One House Hold?

Through a series of unfortunate events, my in-laws recently had to move in with us. Of all the things that could happen a year and four months into marriage, this is not one I expected.

I was just beginning to feel there was a rhythm to the new life my husband, my stepson, and I were creating. Routines were starting to fall into place and relationships were settling in. I even have the frozen setting on the toaster figured out.

My in-laws used to live five minutes from us and have been an active part of our family. Nana, in particular, spent several days a week with my stepson after school, which was extremely helpful while my husband and I were at work.

My new family is much tighter on a day-to-day basis than what I was used to with my own family. My father lives close to 200 miles away and my mother is well over 2,000 miles away.

Now, however, my in-laws are 5 seconds away – just across the hall in the guest bedroom. (I know the math is wrong but I think to get from 5 minutes to five seconds you somehow have to multiply by infinity.)

This is a huge difference and we will all either become closer than we already were or we will bicker like crazy. Let’s hope it’s that first one.

When people are moving in, there are things you expect and things you don’t. In case this happens to you, here are some things you might not see coming.

Day 1 – My in-laws arrived with fast food leftovers and a few trash bags filled with their clothing and personal items. Not so bad.

Day 2 – While I was at work, they filled my refrigerator to the hilt with extra staples like ketchup, butter, and magically three jars of mayo. (Yes, I said three.) I’m also a little perplexed at the individual cup of mini-pickles. That night they brought their ridiculously large cat who I am certain does not eat mini-pickles or mayonnaise.

Day 3 – I found a box of dry kitchen food items on the chair and a case of Cheerios on the floor. (Yes, I said case.) Unsure of where to put everything, I left it there.

Day 5 – My husband notified me that the go-cart had been brought over. The driveway now has 5 cars (plus the go-cart). All basketball related activity is suspended until further notice.

Day 6 – Minor internal freaking out on everyone’s part.

Day 7 – Having mustered up the courage, I tackled the dry kitchen food and stuffed my cabinets with 7 packages of rice, 16 boxes of potatoes, and 13 boxes of Cheerios. I threw out a bottle of bread dipping oil that expired in 2004. We have tons of food, yet no meals.

Day 9 – My mother-in-law set up her coffee maker. We didn’t have one of those yet, so….

Day 10 – I visited friends in another state for the night. My husband sent me a text saying he was watching a re-run of the PBS marathon fundraiser.

We are now 13 days in to this living arrangement. The bickering has been kept to a minimum as we learn how to co-exist. We have all kept our routines as best as possible. I know that these adjustments are nothing compared to the displacement and confusion they are going through. This is what family is all about- step, in-law or otherwise. Wish us luck.