I know how to cook for two. I know how much food to take out if I want just enough or if I want there to be leftovers. When I got divorced, I had to learn how to cook for one, which is difficult because food tends not to come in single servings. It's also tough to be motivated to cook for one. I had a lot of cereal, soup, and pasta- things that could easily be portioned.
When I got remarried, I suddenly had to cook for three. I now know that 3/4 of a pound of pasta and one jar of sauce is just about right. If I kick up the sauce with extra ingredients and use the full pound of pasta, there will be leftovers.
Chicken tenderloins come seven to a package. That's three for my husband, two for me, and two for my stepson. One can of corn splits three ways perfectly. I can buy a two pack of steak, plus one individually wrapped steak to feed three. One head of broccoli steams a serving for each of us.
It took a lot of trial and error to get to this point. I made meals that left way too much in the end and meals that left us scrambling for snacks. But there is a balance and a rhythm I've come to.
That is, until my in-laws moved in. Suddenly all of my portions are null. To feed five people requires the extra large package of chicken breasts. (Did you know those cost more than $12?) That usually leaves one chicken breast left over- often a scrawny piece that certainly can't be turned into leftovers for five. If I chop it up to mix in a bowl of salad or rice, I can make lunch for two.
So I'm back at the beginning learning how to portion appropriately for four adults and a growing boy whose appetite is sometimes equal to my husband's and other times satiated by a mere three bites. While I'm decent in the kitchen, I wouldn't say I'm one of those people that can take last night's meatloaf and turn it into tonight's beef demi-glaze in a reduction sauce. (Heck, I don't even know if all those words go together.)
I'll keep trying. Eventually I'm sure I'll figure out how many pounds of ground beef and taco shells are needed. If anyone has suggestions for feeding five, I'd be appreciative. I'm thinking my crockpot could get some more use.
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Working Mother Wednesday: Christmas Traditions
In keeping with yesterday's post about The Night Before Christmas reading we do in our family every Christmas Eve, I continued the discussion of Christmas traditions on the Working Mother Mom Blogs today.
What Christmas traditions do you have with your family?
What Christmas traditions do you have with your family?
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
The little book: a Christmas tradition
“It’s only two days ‘til Christmas,” my 12-year-old stepson keeps saying. It has now been “two days ‘til Christmas” since last Friday. Wishful thinking?
I can’t help but share his enthusiasm. I love Christmas. I love the lights, the bustle of people, shopping for the perfect gift, and wrapping gifts in cheerful paper. It really is a wonderful time of year for me.
The other day my stepson asked what we were doing in the coming days. When we got to Christmas Eve I said that we would be visiting our friends for the Feast of Seven Fishes, just like we had last year. (He loved the Feast last year. Any day he can have shrimp is a good day.) I continued that we would get home late, go to bed, and wake up for our usual Christmas morning routine.
“But when are we going to read the little book?” he asked, almost whining. My heart filled with joy in that moment.
You see, “the little book” is one of my Christmas ornaments. It is a 2x2” red leather bound copy of The Night Before Christmas. It has crisp aged white pages with gold edges and an inscription in my mother’s perfect cursive: “To Sherri: With love from Mommy & Daddy. Dec. 1979.” I was two years old when my parents gave that to me and it has hung on the Christmas tree every year since.
The first Christmas I spent with my husband (then boyfriend) and stepson, I suggested we read it before going to bed on Christmas Eve. We all piled together under a blanket and took turns reading. We have continued to read it before bed on Christmas Eve for all three of our Christmases together so far.
Though I planned on carrying through on the reading again this year, I hadn’t mentioned it to my stepson while speaking of the Christmas activities. He picked right up on its omission and sounded truly worried that I had overlooked it.
As stepmoms we want to know that we are making a difference. There are times that it feels like we are in the way or ignored. In that one moment, I felt like I made a difference. A little activity that I started three Christmases ago, became a tradition that would be missed if we didn’t do it. Christmas really does bring people together.
Happy holidays to you and yours! May you cherish your family traditions, big and small.
I can’t help but share his enthusiasm. I love Christmas. I love the lights, the bustle of people, shopping for the perfect gift, and wrapping gifts in cheerful paper. It really is a wonderful time of year for me.
The other day my stepson asked what we were doing in the coming days. When we got to Christmas Eve I said that we would be visiting our friends for the Feast of Seven Fishes, just like we had last year. (He loved the Feast last year. Any day he can have shrimp is a good day.) I continued that we would get home late, go to bed, and wake up for our usual Christmas morning routine.
“But when are we going to read the little book?” he asked, almost whining. My heart filled with joy in that moment.
You see, “the little book” is one of my Christmas ornaments. It is a 2x2” red leather bound copy of The Night Before Christmas. It has crisp aged white pages with gold edges and an inscription in my mother’s perfect cursive: “To Sherri: With love from Mommy & Daddy. Dec. 1979.” I was two years old when my parents gave that to me and it has hung on the Christmas tree every year since.
The first Christmas I spent with my husband (then boyfriend) and stepson, I suggested we read it before going to bed on Christmas Eve. We all piled together under a blanket and took turns reading. We have continued to read it before bed on Christmas Eve for all three of our Christmases together so far.
Though I planned on carrying through on the reading again this year, I hadn’t mentioned it to my stepson while speaking of the Christmas activities. He picked right up on its omission and sounded truly worried that I had overlooked it.
As stepmoms we want to know that we are making a difference. There are times that it feels like we are in the way or ignored. In that one moment, I felt like I made a difference. A little activity that I started three Christmases ago, became a tradition that would be missed if we didn’t do it. Christmas really does bring people together.
Happy holidays to you and yours! May you cherish your family traditions, big and small.
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Working Mother Wednesday
For some reason it seems like I don't meet a lot of stepmoms. So when I started talking about this blog, I was surprised to to hear that Working Mother was seeing increased interest in blended families.
It makes sense. With divorce rates as high as they are, there must be a fair number of stepfamilies out there. Where are they hiding? I'll have to do a little research on that.
I was even more surprised to be asked to write on the Mom Blogs at WorkingMother.com. What an honor!
Every Wednesday I will be writing Stepmom Diaries at the Mom Blogs. My first post launched yesterday. (A day early- oops!) I hope that through Stepmom Diaries and here at Too Many Toasters we can get a dialogue going about stepfamily life.
Happy Wednesday!
It makes sense. With divorce rates as high as they are, there must be a fair number of stepfamilies out there. Where are they hiding? I'll have to do a little research on that.
I was even more surprised to be asked to write on the Mom Blogs at WorkingMother.com. What an honor!
Every Wednesday I will be writing Stepmom Diaries at the Mom Blogs. My first post launched yesterday. (A day early- oops!) I hope that through Stepmom Diaries and here at Too Many Toasters we can get a dialogue going about stepfamily life.
Happy Wednesday!
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
How Many Toasters Can One House Hold?
Through a series of unfortunate events, my in-laws recently had to move in with us. Of all the things that could happen a year and four months into marriage, this is not one I expected.
I was just beginning to feel there was a rhythm to the new life my husband, my stepson, and I were creating. Routines were starting to fall into place and relationships were settling in. I even have the frozen setting on the toaster figured out.
My in-laws used to live five minutes from us and have been an active part of our family. Nana, in particular, spent several days a week with my stepson after school, which was extremely helpful while my husband and I were at work.
My new family is much tighter on a day-to-day basis than what I was used to with my own family. My father lives close to 200 miles away and my mother is well over 2,000 miles away.
Now, however, my in-laws are 5 seconds away – just across the hall in the guest bedroom. (I know the math is wrong but I think to get from 5 minutes to five seconds you somehow have to multiply by infinity.)
This is a huge difference and we will all either become closer than we already were or we will bicker like crazy. Let’s hope it’s that first one.
When people are moving in, there are things you expect and things you don’t. In case this happens to you, here are some things you might not see coming.
Day 1 – My in-laws arrived with fast food leftovers and a few trash bags filled with their clothing and personal items. Not so bad.
Day 2 – While I was at work, they filled my refrigerator to the hilt with extra staples like ketchup, butter, and magically three jars of mayo. (Yes, I said three.) I’m also a little perplexed at the individual cup of mini-pickles. That night they brought their ridiculously large cat who I am certain does not eat mini-pickles or mayonnaise.
Day 3 – I found a box of dry kitchen food items on the chair and a case of Cheerios on the floor. (Yes, I said case.) Unsure of where to put everything, I left it there.
Day 5 – My husband notified me that the go-cart had been brought over. The driveway now has 5 cars (plus the go-cart). All basketball related activity is suspended until further notice.
Day 6 – Minor internal freaking out on everyone’s part.
Day 7 – Having mustered up the courage, I tackled the dry kitchen food and stuffed my cabinets with 7 packages of rice, 16 boxes of potatoes, and 13 boxes of Cheerios. I threw out a bottle of bread dipping oil that expired in 2004. We have tons of food, yet no meals.
Day 9 – My mother-in-law set up her coffee maker. We didn’t have one of those yet, so….
Day 10 – I visited friends in another state for the night. My husband sent me a text saying he was watching a re-run of the PBS marathon fundraiser.
We are now 13 days in to this living arrangement. The bickering has been kept to a minimum as we learn how to co-exist. We have all kept our routines as best as possible. I know that these adjustments are nothing compared to the displacement and confusion they are going through. This is what family is all about- step, in-law or otherwise. Wish us luck.
I was just beginning to feel there was a rhythm to the new life my husband, my stepson, and I were creating. Routines were starting to fall into place and relationships were settling in. I even have the frozen setting on the toaster figured out.
My in-laws used to live five minutes from us and have been an active part of our family. Nana, in particular, spent several days a week with my stepson after school, which was extremely helpful while my husband and I were at work.
My new family is much tighter on a day-to-day basis than what I was used to with my own family. My father lives close to 200 miles away and my mother is well over 2,000 miles away.
Now, however, my in-laws are 5 seconds away – just across the hall in the guest bedroom. (I know the math is wrong but I think to get from 5 minutes to five seconds you somehow have to multiply by infinity.)
This is a huge difference and we will all either become closer than we already were or we will bicker like crazy. Let’s hope it’s that first one.
When people are moving in, there are things you expect and things you don’t. In case this happens to you, here are some things you might not see coming.
Day 1 – My in-laws arrived with fast food leftovers and a few trash bags filled with their clothing and personal items. Not so bad.
Day 2 – While I was at work, they filled my refrigerator to the hilt with extra staples like ketchup, butter, and magically three jars of mayo. (Yes, I said three.) I’m also a little perplexed at the individual cup of mini-pickles. That night they brought their ridiculously large cat who I am certain does not eat mini-pickles or mayonnaise.
Day 3 – I found a box of dry kitchen food items on the chair and a case of Cheerios on the floor. (Yes, I said case.) Unsure of where to put everything, I left it there.
Day 5 – My husband notified me that the go-cart had been brought over. The driveway now has 5 cars (plus the go-cart). All basketball related activity is suspended until further notice.
Day 6 – Minor internal freaking out on everyone’s part.
Day 7 – Having mustered up the courage, I tackled the dry kitchen food and stuffed my cabinets with 7 packages of rice, 16 boxes of potatoes, and 13 boxes of Cheerios. I threw out a bottle of bread dipping oil that expired in 2004. We have tons of food, yet no meals.
Day 9 – My mother-in-law set up her coffee maker. We didn’t have one of those yet, so….
Day 10 – I visited friends in another state for the night. My husband sent me a text saying he was watching a re-run of the PBS marathon fundraiser.
We are now 13 days in to this living arrangement. The bickering has been kept to a minimum as we learn how to co-exist. We have all kept our routines as best as possible. I know that these adjustments are nothing compared to the displacement and confusion they are going through. This is what family is all about- step, in-law or otherwise. Wish us luck.
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Scheduling Around the Stepson
Adjusting to life with a pre-teen child is unusual. For me it was especially unusual because I "joined a family already in progress," as the lovely Erin of Stepchicks so perfectly describes it.
I had no children of my own coming in to my marriage. My stepson was nearly 9 years old when I met him. In no time flat, my life went from being mostly about me to being much more about my stepson. There was homework to help with, sporting events to attend, and after school arrangements to be made. Don’t get me wrong, I loved the family time, but I didn’t want to lose the “me” I was for the “us” I was becoming.
My husband coaches baseball and soccer, so even when my stepson didn't have a game, my husband's time was swallowed up quickly with phone calls to parents, field preparation, or scheduling umpires and referees. I would suggest an outing to a park or a store to find out that "we have practice from 1:00 to 4:00, but maybe after that."
Learning that my schedule was tied so intricately to my stepson's was a shock to my system. To get my “me” time back I had to make this work. I put the practice and game schedules in my calendar so I wouldn’t be caught of guard.
I continued to attend the games (and now I even understand what's going on most of the time). I do my best to make every game and the boys know that I love them and that I’m interested in what they are doing.
Practice time, however, became my time. During practices I catch up on things I want to do whether it is watching a "girly" television show, reading in a perfectly quiet house, writing in my journal, or wandering a store at my own pace (not the pace of someone worried about boring her beloved boys).
Then when the boys come home, I'm refreshed and content rather than anxious and irritable. By changing my perspective and learning to take advantage of the schedule, I have saved my own sanity.
The funny thing is the boys never really needed me at the practices. That is their “me” time. Time to be boys and play hard.
How do you get your “me” time in?
I had no children of my own coming in to my marriage. My stepson was nearly 9 years old when I met him. In no time flat, my life went from being mostly about me to being much more about my stepson. There was homework to help with, sporting events to attend, and after school arrangements to be made. Don’t get me wrong, I loved the family time, but I didn’t want to lose the “me” I was for the “us” I was becoming.
My husband coaches baseball and soccer, so even when my stepson didn't have a game, my husband's time was swallowed up quickly with phone calls to parents, field preparation, or scheduling umpires and referees. I would suggest an outing to a park or a store to find out that "we have practice from 1:00 to 4:00, but maybe after that."
Learning that my schedule was tied so intricately to my stepson's was a shock to my system. To get my “me” time back I had to make this work. I put the practice and game schedules in my calendar so I wouldn’t be caught of guard.
I continued to attend the games (and now I even understand what's going on most of the time). I do my best to make every game and the boys know that I love them and that I’m interested in what they are doing.
Practice time, however, became my time. During practices I catch up on things I want to do whether it is watching a "girly" television show, reading in a perfectly quiet house, writing in my journal, or wandering a store at my own pace (not the pace of someone worried about boring her beloved boys).
Then when the boys come home, I'm refreshed and content rather than anxious and irritable. By changing my perspective and learning to take advantage of the schedule, I have saved my own sanity.
The funny thing is the boys never really needed me at the practices. That is their “me” time. Time to be boys and play hard.
How do you get your “me” time in?
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Too Many Toasters
I am part of a stepfamily. Technically I guess I'm part of three stepfamilies. Whatever the case, merging families is a complex task involving the "blending" of three P's: people, personalities, and possessions.
When my husband and I took the gigantic step of moving in together, it was I that moved in to his home. My one bedroom apartment wasn't going to fit all three P's and his house was two minutes from his 9-year-old son's school. Instant household.
We spent the following weeks taking inventory of our possessions. The extra bedroom set became guest room furniture. The extra glassware made for a well-rounded collection. The toasters, well, there were two and how many toasters does one house really need?
As I pulled my toaster from the box my (now) husband said, "I guess we can get rid of that."
What? Get rid of my toaster?
There's nothing like merging households to make you really sentimental about a toaster. After all, it was the toaster I bought following my previous divorce. It was the kitchen appliance staple that I picked out all by myself for my own place. It wasn't fancy. In fact, it's most endearing quality was it's low price tag. But it was mine and it symbolized my ability to take care of myself.
My husband also loved his toaster. It was stainless steel and, therefore, matched all his other appliances unlike my stark white model. It had a special button for frozen items to properly toast them. Even I had to admit it looked sleeker and was more functional.
After many gentle reassurances (my husband to me and I to my toaster) I decided it was time to donate my toaster and let someone else love it's thrifty simplicity. It was an unexpectedly monumental step in our relationship.
Some time later, while visiting my dad, I realized a toaster oven adorned his counter. I've never known my dad to own a toaster oven. I couldn't help but wonder if there had been a similar debate between him and my stepmother about which toaster to keep.
By now you probably noticed I am both a stepmom and a stepchild. Here's a quick run-down. My family consists of a husband, a stepson, a father, a stepmother, a mother who was adopted, a stepfather, and two (or is it five?) step-siblings.
Thus begins Too Many Toasters, a blog to share my experiences with non-traditional families and, hopefully, hear about your experiences as well. I plan on writing here once a week (or more if I have time), so please stay tuned.
You are invited and encouraged to share your experiences and thoughts in the comments. Do you have a confusing family? How do you navigate the stepfamilyhood?
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